itching, burning, and dana’s dangerous cures

Just checking in for those wondering what’s up. Mainly, just itching! Shingles have declared an all out mutiny, and while the sores are healing, the itching is now driving away my last remnants of sanity. My new best friend is a bamboo back scratcher that Dana picked up at Walgreens. And I’m thinking of building a bed of nails to sleep on until this passes. I’m sure I would sleep better.

Unfortunately, it’s a kind of itching and burning that normal “itch remedies” don’t even begin to touch.  Dana decided to get online a few days ago and search for some home remedy. She found a few, and after a quick trip to the store, told me to take my shirt off. As I did, she pulled out a bottle of Apple Cider Vinegar and a small container of a natural itch potion that she must have purchased from a group of traveling gypsies. A few moments later she was spraying me down.

At first, I just started craving fish and chips— you know… the vinegar smell. Then, suddenly everything changed! Not only did I smell like a giant fish stick, but my body was burning like I had been dropped into a deep fryer! She may as well have doused me with kerosene and set me on fire. I started jumping and dancing around the bathroom, begging for mercy and trying to think of what to do. Finally, jumping into the shower seemed like my only option. It was then I saw Dana—literally doubled over and holding her stomach with laughter! In between gasps for breath and shreeks pain, all I could say was, “Oh sure… I see how it is… laugh it up…” She did.

I now understand how natural cures work. The cure is so much worse than the problem, that before too long, you’re begging to go back to your original condition. So a few moments later, after Dana’s combustible conconction was rinsed off, I was only too happy to return to my normal itching and burning. And that will be the last time I allow Dana to try an “internet cure” on any ailment that affects my physical being.

The next night, she was putting a new cream on my back—now trying just a small dab for fear that it might be painful. As soon as she touched my back I screamed with frantic and traumatic intensity. She jumped back, gasped, and began to apologize… and then I said, “Just kidding…” It wasn’t exactly revenge, but it sure felt good. Then it was I who was doubled over with laughter—but only for a few seconds, because I had to scratch my back!

All in all, I have nothing to complain about. It’s just a part of the journey. I’m praying that the shingles will soon depart and enter into a herd of swine or something. Treatment #8 was bearable after the third day, so that’s a blessing. I have five more days of freedom before treatment #9. And whenever any of this starts to become discouraging, I just thank the Lord for the good progress revealed on the scans!

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5 Responses to itching, burning, and dana’s dangerous cures

  1. Mom says:

    Makes me sting and itch just thinking about it … but now I’m doubled over laughing.
    So thankful that all of this hasn’t effected your sense of humor and happy spirit.
    Love you and continue to pray for you constantly. So very thankful for the wonderful san report. God is so GOOD.

  2. Diane King says:

    Dear Bro. Schmidt
    Even in the midst of Shingles and your Chemo your heart is still fully turned to the Lord. Thank you for your faithful testimony and encouragement to all who read your comments through this journey that you are on. I have shared and given your website to my good friend Beverly who has Leukemia which the doctors have told that all the treatments have failed and there is nothing else they can do. Yet she is still thanking God for every day and has a sparkle in her eye. She has gained so much encouragement from your postings. Again I say thank you for finding the humor to share with others, because I laughed not for your itching and burning misery but you have the most amazing way to described your situations. You are a wonderful blessing to all who know you. Praying for you in Kentucky. Will be in Lancaster in May, hope to see you and your family then.

    In Christ’s Love

    Diane King

  3. Clark and Rachel says:

    This is hilarious. Somehow, you always seem to keep us crying… whether tears to the Lord as we pray for healing, or tears of joy as He has answered our prayers, or tears from excessive laughter, like tonight! Thanking God for all of the tears we have shed as a result of your journey through cancer. As we read this entry, we were holding our breath in suspense to find out if Mrs. Schmidt’s special potion might somehow do the trick… sorry to find out it didn’t- but glad that she was able to get a good laugh out of it!! We love the part where you doubled over in laughter but had to cut it short to itch again… so funny. Thanking God for you guys & praying for you!

  4. Tracy Dizon says:

    I know this is an old post, but I was just going throughout your posts and found this one… It seriously made me laugh hard!
    Still praying for you!!
    - Tracy Dizon
    (P.S.: I hate home “remedies” too!)

  5. Kathy says:

    Thanks for this post. My hubby just finished 9 weeks of radiation for advanced, aggressive prostate cancer about a month ago and this week was diagnosed with shingles. And we were “sure” they were infected flea bites!

    Thanks, too, for writing JUST FRIENDS. Gave it to my 17-year-old son a few months ago, and I think it has changed his life. Clearly answered a lot of questions. Perfect book for him to read at this juncture in his life.

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