{"id":510,"date":"2011-01-09T22:40:12","date_gmt":"2011-01-10T06:40:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/?p=510"},"modified":"2011-01-09T22:40:12","modified_gmt":"2011-01-10T06:40:12","slug":"ten-ways-to-avoid-chemo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/?p=510","title":{"rendered":"ten ways to avoid chemo&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-511\" style=\"border: 1px solid black;\" title=\"diguise\" src=\"http:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/diguise.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"271\" \/><br \/>\nI&#8217;m trying to think of ways to avoid chemo tomorrow\u2014here are my top 10 ideas:<br \/>\n<strong>1. Hang around sick people and breath deeply<\/strong>\u2014borrowing a virus already worked once.<br \/>\n<strong>2. Flee the country<\/strong>\u2014I have missionary friends in lots of places. Plus I&#8217;m sure there are smugglers in So. Cal. who could smuggle me across the border the other direction!<br \/>\n<!--more--><br \/>\n<strong>3. Enter a witness protection program<\/strong>\u2014assuming a new identity and moving to Idaho might do the trick.<br \/>\n<strong>4. Tell the doctor I&#8217;m fasting for our winter revival and can&#8217;t have coffee or chemo this week<\/strong>\u2014YES! I knew I liked our Winter Revival prayer emphasis!<br \/>\n<strong>5. Re-configure my port to feed directly into an external ziplock baggie<\/strong>\u2014best idea yet, just need a pocket knife. (Insert painful cringe here&#8230;)<br \/>\n<strong>6. Tell them I&#8217;m a pastor and must be on call<\/strong>\u2014like getting out of jury duty. I can pay someone to call me with an urgent emergency&#8230;<br \/>\n<strong>7. Tell them I have jury duty<\/strong>\u2014they&#8217;ve made it impossible to get out of that now! Literally, when I told the lady I had cancer, she asked &#8220;how bad&#8221; then would only grant a postponement! That&#8217;s just wrong&#8230;<br \/>\n<strong>8. Pray, pray, pray for a really bad snow storm tonight<\/strong>\u2014if the roads are shut down, we must stay home and drink hot chocolate.<br \/>\n<strong>9. Find a disguise and hang out at the donut shop all day<\/strong>\u2014I really believe cinnamon rolls kill cancer&#8230; I just need to begin a case study. Seriously, has anyone studied this? If fruit is that important, I&#8217;ll throw in an apple fritter too.<br \/>\n<strong>10. Have a PET scan that shows the cancer is completely gone already<\/strong>\u2014this is my favorite idea, but I think they would still make me have chemo regardless.<br \/>\nOk&#8230; I give. I can already hear you all reminding me of the reasons to get to treatment. I&#8217;m just kidding. \u00a0I really like living, so in reality, I&#8217;m thankful for chemo. It&#8217;s just that me and chemo have a love\/hate relationship. I love it from a distance&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m trying to think of ways to avoid chemo tomorrow\u2014here are my top 10 ideas: 1. Hang around sick people and breath deeply\u2014borrowing a virus already worked once. 2. Flee the country\u2014I have missionary friends in lots of places. Plus &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/?p=510\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-510","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/510","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=510"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/510\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=510"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=510"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hodgkins.caryschmidt.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=510"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}