I’m trying to think of ways to avoid chemo tomorrow—here are my top 10 ideas:
1. Hang around sick people and breath deeply—borrowing a virus already worked once.
2. Flee the country—I have missionary friends in lots of places. Plus I’m sure there are smugglers in So. Cal. who could smuggle me across the border the other direction!
3. Enter a witness protection program—assuming a new identity and moving to Idaho might do the trick.
4. Tell the doctor I’m fasting for our winter revival and can’t have coffee or chemo this week—YES! I knew I liked our Winter Revival prayer emphasis!
5. Re-configure my port to feed directly into an external ziplock baggie—best idea yet, just need a pocket knife. (Insert painful cringe here…)
6. Tell them I’m a pastor and must be on call—like getting out of jury duty. I can pay someone to call me with an urgent emergency…
7. Tell them I have jury duty—they’ve made it impossible to get out of that now! Literally, when I told the lady I had cancer, she asked “how bad” then would only grant a postponement! That’s just wrong…
8. Pray, pray, pray for a really bad snow storm tonight—if the roads are shut down, we must stay home and drink hot chocolate.
9. Find a disguise and hang out at the donut shop all day—I really believe cinnamon rolls kill cancer… I just need to begin a case study. Seriously, has anyone studied this? If fruit is that important, I’ll throw in an apple fritter too.
10. Have a PET scan that shows the cancer is completely gone already—this is my favorite idea, but I think they would still make me have chemo regardless.
Ok… I give. I can already hear you all reminding me of the reasons to get to treatment. I’m just kidding. I really like living, so in reality, I’m thankful for chemo. It’s just that me and chemo have a love/hate relationship. I love it from a distance…