'twas the night before chemo…


Will a living man complain against God? Hold that thought, we’ll come back to it.
It’s the night before treatment, and I’m looking for words to describe all that’s running through my mind. Not quite fear or anxiety, it’s something more of a sobering, focused intensity of soul. Similar to the feeling of the start of a mission or critical race of some kind. I want to run this race for the Lord and honor Him. I have resolved there will be no complaints, no self pity, and no second guessing God. I want to embrace whatever hardship He desires, for His glory.
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a story behind the story


About twelve years ago a young African couple (Joseph and Juliet) shook my hand on their way out after Sunday morning service. They had recently migrated to America. Joseph was a medical student at UCLA with the dream of becoming a doctor. As we chatted for a moment, I asked Joseph if he was certain that he was on his way to Heaven.
He smiled, and with thick accent, said, “Can you know that?” To which I replied, “Yes, according to the Bible, you can. Would you like to know?” Again he smiled and said, “Well, if you can know, then YES, I would!”
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one step closer to bald


Yesterday I went to get my last haircut for a while. “So, are we shaving it all off?” She says with anticipation. I laugh hesitantly, “Not yet… we’ll do that in a couple weeks. But close to it!” A few minutes later, I walk out wishing I had done this ten years ago. I hate hair any way, and that’s one real positive aspect of treatments—they provide an unavoidable hair loss strategy.
Two days until treatments and my project list was made significantly shorter today and yesterday. It’s tough to plan, and I’m a planner. I like to have a strategy, but that doesn’t work in this situation. Have to take it one day at a time, and be grateful for whatever God gives me.
A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps. (Prov. 16:9)

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countdown to chemo


Today, and this week, just seems like a countdown—one that my brain is trying to wrap itself around. No one is eager to poison themselves, but at the same time, I’m ready to kill what I saw on last weeks CT scan images! Strange really. Part of me wants to run as fast as I can toward the treatment center with my sleeve rolled up and arm ready. And the other part of me wants to run as far as I can away from anything that starts with the letters c-h —chemo, chemists, chest x-rays—even churros. On second thought, maybe churro therapy wouldn’t be so bad!
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the roller coaster ride continues


My oncologist called me this morning. He affirmed the good news about my bone marrow being clear. He also spoke with me about the radiologist’s opinion. Essentially the size of my tumors and the multiplicity of them (see Saturday’s update) places me in a high risk category for recurrence. That being the case, he upped my chemo back to six months, followed by a month of testing and then a month of radiation. So, on the short side, I’m in for eight months of treatment if all goes well.
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gender confusion and more health news


The scene is Kaiser Sunset—the primary cancer hospital in the Kaiser system located in the “beautiful” cesspool of Hollywood. Dana and I have just dropped my mom off at LAX, grabbed a bite of lunch, and are now waiting to see the Radiologist/Oncologist. We hear him on the phone in the other room—loudly asking other departments for my various test results. A few minutes later, he steps in, looks at Dana, and says, “So, you are Cary Schmidt?”
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be of good cheer—the point of this blog


In Matthew 14, the disciples are facing a storm. They are sinking and fearful of destruction. They are anxious and overwhelmed—focused on survival. Their world is chaos, confusion, desperation. And in the middle of this madness, Jesus Christ comes to them literally walking on the water. Their first thought—it’s a ghost! As if a life threatening storm isn’t enough, now we have to deal with evil spirits! But then Jesus calls out to them…
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updates 10.9-11.6, 2010

These are updates I originally posted on Encouraging Words and am moving over to this blog for the sake of others who want to track what’s going on in this unfolding saga.
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cinnamon rolls and bone marrow

cinammonrolls
Choose to Rejoice in the Sweetness of Christ in the Midst of the Bitterness of Life
Today began with the cinnamon roll ministry. Savory, warm, gooey, and covered with icing—Heaven on earth. Sweetness epitomized. Field day for the taste buds. Respite from reality. Ah—God is good to have created such things.
Moments later, I’m in the doctor’s office for a bone marrow biopsy. (Wait, rewind—let’s go back to the icing part!) My first thought—Dana can take this test for me—after all she’s from my rib and the Bible says she’s bone of my bone, right!? (In all seriousness, she probably would have if she could have—she’s a great lady with a tender heart. I could never ask for a better companion through all this!)
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diagnosis and moving forward

First, I must thank you from the depths of my heart for so many of you who have written, messaged, or somehow contacted our family expressing love, support, prayer, and encouragement. We have been overwhelmed by your kindness, and are grateful beyond words.
A few moments ago, I spoke with a doctor and received confirmation that, as suspected, I have classical Hodgkins Lymphoma. This was not a surprise, as several doctors already indicated such. God has greatly strengthened our family in anticipation of this diagnosis, and we are fixed upon loving Him, trusting Him, and living for Him as long as He allows. How can I describe our response to you? Full peace. Resting in God. No significant anxiety. Abundant joy. Amazed at God’s goodness. Preparing for the road ahead. Holding to God’s hand. Focused upon honoring Him. And thanking Him for the gift of a trial.
My Heart in this Diagnosis:
I could not adequately write about what God is doing in my heart. I can share but a few glimpses. In addition to the previous thoughts, there are some specific things that I want you to understand:
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