begging for chemo…

Well, I woke up today, all mentally zoned for the last treatment. We arrived at Kaiser at about 1pm where the nurse told us we needed to meet with the doctor. Uh-oh.  A few moments later, we are sitting in his office talking about low blood counts. As it turns out, my white counts were too low for treatment and I have to wait for three more days.
At this point, I almost got on my knees! I put on the most pathetic expression I could, I asked “what will happen if I have treatment anyway?” I literally begged him to reconsider. To no avail. I was so ready to do this last treatment. But the doctor said it was too risky. We have to wait until Thursday, which is really crummy timing.
It was the only time in seven months that I have begged for chemotherapy. I actually can’t imagine ever doing that again. I’m sure God has a plan in it, and I don’t want to end up in the hospital because we wiped out my blood counts.  So, I’m coming down off my hours of emotional prep and planning to enjoy the next few days of sanity.
So, treatment #12 is still lingering out there, sticking it’s tongue out at me and threatening to make me nauseous. And so we wait…